What Would Morrissey Do?

Understandably, we’ve all found ourselves at a crossroads; a place where we have to consider options and consequences and then make a decision. It’s universal. And in these moments we’ve all wondered: What would Morrissey do in this situation? No one wants to fuck up, not too badly anyway. And we’ve all looked to our inner Moz to guide us. Should I buy that new car? (Probably not). What should I wear to the evening’s shindig extravaganza? (Paisley is always a winner in my book). Should I ask that fine, fine specimen of man/woman out? (No. I prefer to be alone and abstinate.)What do I say? (I normally I go for fat girls but you’ll do just fine). Who would win in a fight between Space Monkey and Thievery Turtle? (Assuming that all things were equal, of course.) (It’ll be glorious draw, I’m sure).

Some people have a more difficult time accessing their inner Moz and that is a shame. There must be some way that his Mozness can reach more needy persons. I think t-shirts and instructional videos would help. The United Nations could include these things in lieu of His Grand Mozness in relief packages throughout the world. Imagine how much smoother coup d’etats could be with the Moz providing guidance, or the design of U.S. military exit strategies. Cookies would taste better, water would be cleaner, high fructose corn syrup would become low fructose corn syrup, Bono would be out of a job, and no one would be in danger of peanut products, there would be less stresses and the world would be better for it in general.

It might be just the thing to get us through difficult times…We’ll just do whatever moz tells us to do. Let him take charge of all our decisions. It would be for the best, I am certain. Just look at the Smiths things didn’t go his way and they broke up. I will take this thought with me as I pray to my Moz shrine, which I keep in my closet.


2 Responses to “What Would Morrissey Do?”

  1. jdallinder Says:

    Take that Moz shrine out of your closet and wear it proudly on your sleeve! Viva The Smiths!

  2. Venus Says:

    My inner Moz is rolled up in The Dude’s Persian rug.

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