The Gooey Stupid Machine, pt. 1

There’s been some talk about dedicating a statue of yours truly. I’ve heard, additionally, that it will be placed in some prominent location in my hometown. Ever since I invented the color green and the fancy teleportation device with the racing stripe, which I called the Gooey Stupid Machine, I have been getting a lot of attention.

The Gooey Stupid Machine had a significant role in preserving my hometown from utter destruction. The story behind the Gooey Stupid Machine, more importantly, is also the story where I first met Space Monkey and Death Zebra who were integral in the development of the Gooey Stupid Machine, which saved my hometown. Oh, the adventures we’ve had together could fill volumes. And considering how Space Monkey and Death Zebra helped save my hometown, it seems a shame that statues of them won’t also be made.

It all started in the winter of December, the 11th of December some years back. I was just a simple lad, in a simple town, leading a simple life, aspiring to be the first black man to become a moon-cheese farmer on the moon, or the first female atomic piano player, basically anything that wasn’t becoming a penguin control officer like my old man. Man, penguins are fuckers!

One day, when I was playing near the marshmallow tree, atop a caboose, I was playing catch with myself with my left shoe. I fell off of the caboose when I became distracted. I thought I saw a monkey in the marshmallow tree dropping cotton candy. I tried to grab some falling cotton candy and failed – I fell off the caboose and hurt my arm. I may have been unconscious for a time, I really can’t remember but when I awoke I could have believed I had died. Standing over me were two figures: one was a monkey in a space suit and the other looked like a zebra in a black hooded cloak holding a scythe. The Zebra looked like Death.

“Oh, man. I’ve died haven’t I?” I groaned.

The two figures hovering over me looked at each other but said nothing.
I must have fallen asleep cos the next thing I remember was me in my pajamas lying in bed

It was later the following day that I ran into these strange strangers enjoying cupcakes at the Cupcake Factory. It turns out we all have a taste for cupcakes from the Cupcake Factory. Truly, an ostentatious beginning.


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